Should I tell my children about Homosexuality?

The point is, children WILL hear about it, and if parents don't address the subject with their children, somebody else - who may not share their views - will.

So, how should a parent approach such a discussion? As casually and as directly and age appropriately as possible, experts say. A four year old for example, doesn't need - or want - to hear the details of homosexual love making any more than she/he needs to hear about the details of heterosexual intercourse. Instead, your first mention of it should take place when your child is five or six - perhaps sooner if your family knows a gay couple - and you might begin by saying that most of the time men fall in love with women and women fall in love with men, but sometimes men love men and women love other women and that's what people mean by the words gay, lesbian and homosexual.

When you speak informally about homosexuality to your child, you illustrate that you are open to questions and that you are the right person to ask even the most difficult ones. For this reason alone, it is wise to be prepared to discuss homosexuality with your child; it is also helpful to familiarize yourself with how much kids can understand at different ages.

PRE SCHOOL CHILDREN

Teach a Little

Some Experts maintain that parents have no reason to introduce same sex relationships to younger kids unless the subject comes up naturally, say if a classmate's parents are of the same sex. If one of your child's friends is being raised by a gay couple, just explain that Johnny lives with his two mommies, The basic message should be that there are lots of different kinds of families.

More often than not, the topic of homosexuality comes up on the playground in some light-hearted but pejorative context, like the games that proclaim the the loser is a queer. When this happens, you might simply explain that the phrase in question is often used to tease people and that this form of teasing is inappropriate. If the topic of same sex relationships does not arise before the child is five or six, maybe parents should simply describe love and relationships so that they can lay the foundation for later conversations about couples and sex."

But some experts believe that parents should introduce the subject of homosexuality fairly early, even if a child doesn't bring it up on his own. The argument being: If you never discuss homosexuality, it becomes an unmentionable. Besides talking about gay relationships has nothing to do with talking about sex. Children under five are naturally curious about relationships and family ties - and that is the context in which gay couples should be discussed. At this age, though, kids don't yet have the ability to comprehend degrees of intimacy. If you've ever told a three year old that you love lasagne and she asks, "Would you marry it?" then you get the picture.

PRIMARY SCHOOL

Just the Facts

Through the early school years, children want to know more about the nature of relationships. They are also extremely interested in how things work - including the human body and all of its parts - as well as sex. When it comes to gay sex, some mothers and fathers worry that just discussing the subject might encourage their children to eventually experiment sexually with people of the same gender. However, a chorus of experts say that there is no evidence to suggest that simply talking about any kind of sexual behaviour with young children will have any effect in their sexual orientation later in life.

By the time most kids start edging to their early teens, they begin to develop a sense of justice. At this point, witnessing an instance of discrimination may arouse feelings of empathy or anger in children. Such feelings will only grow stronger as children move closer to adolescence, and the questions kids ask can give parents an opportunity to teach them about tolerance.

Some people use things such as nightly news broadcasts about gays in the military as a springboard for discussing discrimination.  During these talks, one could draw parallels for kids between the gay rights movement and the civil rights movement, One could also point out that only a generation ago, inter-racial couples were viewed with the same kind of outrage that gay couples are viewed with today. In the end it could be explained to children that the variations in people's lives, whether they be racial, religious, or anything else, don't make them better or worse, only different.

PREADOLESCENTS

Time to Get Specific

Children on the verge of puberty are overwhelmingly curious: not only about their own identity as males and females but also about whether their emerging sexuality will be accepted by their peers. So questions at this age sometimes become more probing.

Gay friends may already be around your children. What w would need to explain is that when two people want to be intimate with each other, they don't have to be a man and a woman, they just have to be two people.

Children are very content with simple answers. Its the adults who get nervous and begin explaining all kinds of things that the kids didn't even ask about, overloading them with too much information that they really don't know how to use.

What children at this age can use are matter of fact discussions delivered without emotion or preaching. Over the years a parent may be approached many times by their children who simply want to know what happens during homosexual sex. Their questions may well be very specific and direct. It may help if the parent answers them equally directly, dispassionately and factually. If you don't become embarrassed, neither do they.

Whether or not mothers and fathers approve of homosexuality, it is a fact of life. No two parents are going to follow the same script when they discuss this topic, and that's fine. But children can usually sense when you are struggling for answers to questions and they can tell when you are pretending to know more - or less - than you really do. They'll wonder what is it about this particular subject that is upsetting enough to make you put on a fake face; they may even decide its OK to lie whenever a difficult subject arises.

So it's better to be honest; if you don't know the answer to a question about homosexuality, just say so. Tell your child you will research it for them, or invite them to join you in browsing through a related book. As difficult as answering a child's questions about this subject might be, doing so provides a perfect opportunity for you to share your values, not just about sex and sexuality, but about tolerance and differences as well.